Big Bellied Men

When it comes to caring about how one looks in one's own attire, men could take a lesson from the opposite gender. Generally, women consciously dress to flatter themselves.

On the other hand, men don't care if their clothing flatters them. This is especially true for men who have what I've termed el grande bellies. A man with a massive paunch will dress to show it off, as if it were a badge of honor.

Have you noticed how when big-bellied men stand around talking to each other, their bellies casting a constant shadow over their feet (the feet of big-bellied men are small for lack of sunlight), they proudly pat their gut as if it were the ultimate sign of manhood? And they do this in front of their sons as if to say "boy, when you're my age, you ain't a man if you ain't achieved a big ole gut like mine." Yep, in the world of the male a big belly, like the family crest, is held in reverence.

Now, this difference of how men and women deal with their body fat goes back to the beginning of the human race. Why I bet when Adam and Eve scrambled to find fig leaves to cover their nakedness, Eve weaved her foliage into a modest foundation garment, while Adam slung a couple of leaves low around his hips and called it good. And no doubt, prior to exiting the Garden, as he bent over to gather his belongings, Adam flashed Eve the first plumber's moon. Of course it probably didn't embarrass Adam in the least bit.

Since that time women have always been more concerned than men about camouflaging their weight. Remember the corset? One must feel sorry for women back when these were the undergarment of the time. Think about it. A lady would put one on and then have it cinched up so tightly she cold barely breathe. As a side note, this explains how the corset became known as a "foundation garment"--remove the foundation and the rest of the structure comes tumbling down.

Back then many a poor man was fooled when it came to his sweetheart's figure. Imagine the surprise of a young husband when he first spied his shapely bride not wearing one of those contraptions. Can't you just hear the shock in his voice as he viewed his wife's true form and asked, "whoa, where did all that come from?!"

Things haven't changed much since the days of the corset. Many women still feel the need to camouflage their weight, while men feel the need to flaunt their big bellies, as if obtaining one were some sort of rare achievement.

And you can spot this kind of guy a mile away. For instance, he doesn't wear his pants with the waist up and over his belly, thereby keeping his pants from sliding down when bending over. No, that wouldn't allow him to flash his rosy rear cheeks.

You know, this brings up some important questions: When a guy bends over and flashes his derriere, doesn't he know what he has just done? Can't he feel the waist of his pants slide down toward his knees? But most of all, can't the guy feel the air hit his haunches as they're exposed?The answer to all of these all important questions is OF COURSE HE CAN! Is he embarrassed? NO! He flashes his partial moon with pride. He's worked hard to achieve that big ole mound of abdomen and by golly the unmasking of his hind quarters is like a signal flare, alerting everyone of his great accomplishment. No way is he going to adjust his pants to keep his back end housed where it belongs.

So there you have it. There's no doubt that through the annuals of time, women and men have had differing views on how to dress a rotund body, and generally speaking women have been more noted for their intelligence on the matter.

The next time I bend over and detect a cool breeze on my backside, maybe I should think about that.

10 comments:
Britmum said...
OMG that was so bloody funny. Bloody hell Doug you are marvelous. I am trying not to laugh because it is early hours of the morning here. lol I bet your hindquarters aren't half bad. heheheheTake care xx
Monday, March 19, 2007 6:14:00 AM EDT

doodlebugmom said...
Yeah, this is America's crack problem!
Monday, March 19, 2007 10:30:00 PM EDT

Rachel said...
Forget the corset, a bra is bad enough!!! Very good Doug!! I think the next time you feel the breeze you better pull your shirt down or your pants up!! HAHA!! I was at a horse show once when a horse lost a shoe and the guy got off in the center of the ring on the grass and squatted down by his horse's foot and he mooned all couple of hundred of us at once!! It was very funny and everyone laughed and shouted, "You're mooning us!!" If I would have been him I'd have left that town and never went back!!! One time a farmer with a big gut told me that farmers liked to build a shed over their tools! That was the end of that conversation as I didn't want to know anything more about his "tools."
Monday, March 19, 2007 10:39:00 PM EDT

Deevulgence said...
RYC: As in, dont sweat the small stuff? Sure...I shouldnt...but I REALLY want my book back - and I am choosing to be stubborn about it...lame, I know.:)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:59:00 PM EDT

L>T said...
very true. men don't have the options women do. but having a big gut is all about not sucking it in.When you give up sucking it in, it's over.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 1:56:00 AM EDT

Jules said...
Doug, I was just thinking about you the other day and how much I have missed your delightful writing. Thanks for stopping by my blog and reminding me to visit yours much more often!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 8:36:00 AM EDT

Jamie Dawn said...
I've seen many a grande bellied man who tries to fit into the t-shirts he wore when he was not so gordo. Their bellies hang out below shirts which are stretched to the max and crying for mercy.Men who date women who wear extra padded, gel filled bras probably have some surprises too."Where'd they go??"
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:38:00 PM EDT

Tricia said...
I can't stop laughing at doodlebugmom' comment. That crack problem is definitely an epidemic!One more reason to stay away from 'man panties'.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 4:43:00 PM EDT

Melanie said...
hmmnn wearing low slung pants is not just for big bellied men. Many young men, who do not have huge bellies, think it is cool as well. Yesterday I saw one such guy, pants barely on his bum, he even had on a belt, just for looks I suppose because twice I saw him use his hands to pull up his pants.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 7:27:00 PM EDT

Trudging said...
As a friend of mine used to say, "a woman cannot have a hair out of place, but as long as a man keeps his fly zipped he is ok."
Sunday, March 25, 2007 4:02:00 AM EDT