When it comes to caring about how one looks in one's own attire, men could take a lesson from the opposite gender. Generally, women consciously dress to flatter themselves.
On the other hand, men don't care if their clothing flatters them. This is especially true for men who have what I've termed el grande bellies. A man with a massive paunch will dress to show it off, as if it were a badge of honor.
Have you noticed how when big-bellied men stand around talking to each other, their bellies casting a constant shadow over their feet (the feet of big-bellied men are small for lack of sunlight), they proudly pat their gut as if it were the ultimate sign of manhood? And they do this in front of their sons as if to say "boy, when you're my age, you ain't a man if you ain't achieved a big ole gut like mine." Yep, in the world of the male a big belly, like the family crest, is held in reverence.
Now, this difference of how men and women deal with their body fat goes back to the beginning of the human race. Why I bet when Adam and Eve scrambled to find fig leaves to cover their nakedness, Eve weaved her foliage into a modest foundation garment, while Adam slung a couple of leaves low around his hips and called it good. And no doubt, prior to exiting the Garden, as he bent over to gather his belongings, Adam flashed Eve the first plumber's moon. Of course it probably didn't embarrass Adam in the least bit.
Since that time women have always been more concerned than men about camouflaging their weight. Remember the corset? One must feel sorry for women back when these were the undergarment of the time. Think about it. A lady would put one on and then have it cinched up so tightly she cold barely breathe. As a side note, this explains how the corset became known as a "foundation garment"--remove the foundation and the rest of the structure comes tumbling down.
Back then many a poor man was fooled when it came to his sweetheart's figure. Imagine the surprise of a young husband when he first spied his shapely bride not wearing one of those contraptions. Can't you just hear the shock in his voice as he viewed his wife's true form and asked, "whoa, where did all that come from?!"
Things haven't changed much since the days of the corset. Many women still feel the need to camouflage their weight, while men feel the need to flaunt their big bellies, as if obtaining one were some sort of rare achievement.
And you can spot this kind of guy a mile away. For instance, he doesn't wear his pants with the waist up and over his belly, thereby keeping his pants from sliding down when bending over. No, that wouldn't allow him to flash his rosy rear cheeks.
You know, this brings up some important questions: When a guy bends over and flashes his derriere, doesn't he know what he has just done? Can't he feel the waist of his pants slide down toward his knees? But most of all, can't the guy feel the air hit his haunches as they're exposed?The answer to all of these all important questions is OF COURSE HE CAN! Is he embarrassed? NO! He flashes his partial moon with pride. He's worked hard to achieve that big ole mound of abdomen and by golly the unmasking of his hind quarters is like a signal flare, alerting everyone of his great accomplishment. No way is he going to adjust his pants to keep his back end housed where it belongs.
So there you have it. There's no doubt that through the annuals of time, women and men have had differing views on how to dress a rotund body, and generally speaking women have been more noted for their intelligence on the matter.
The next time I bend over and detect a cool breeze on my backside, maybe I should think about that.
10 comments:
Britmum said...
OMG that was so bloody funny. Bloody hell Doug you are marvelous. I am trying not to laugh because it is early hours of the morning here. lol I bet your hindquarters aren't half bad. heheheheTake care xx
Monday, March 19, 2007 6:14:00 AM EDT
doodlebugmom said...
Yeah, this is America's crack problem!
Monday, March 19, 2007 10:30:00 PM EDT
Rachel said...
Forget the corset, a bra is bad enough!!! Very good Doug!! I think the next time you feel the breeze you better pull your shirt down or your pants up!! HAHA!! I was at a horse show once when a horse lost a shoe and the guy got off in the center of the ring on the grass and squatted down by his horse's foot and he mooned all couple of hundred of us at once!! It was very funny and everyone laughed and shouted, "You're mooning us!!" If I would have been him I'd have left that town and never went back!!! One time a farmer with a big gut told me that farmers liked to build a shed over their tools! That was the end of that conversation as I didn't want to know anything more about his "tools."
Monday, March 19, 2007 10:39:00 PM EDT
Deevulgence said...
RYC: As in, dont sweat the small stuff? Sure...I shouldnt...but I REALLY want my book back - and I am choosing to be stubborn about it...lame, I know.:)
Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:59:00 PM EDT
L>T said...
very true. men don't have the options women do. but having a big gut is all about not sucking it in.When you give up sucking it in, it's over.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 1:56:00 AM EDT
Jules said...
Doug, I was just thinking about you the other day and how much I have missed your delightful writing. Thanks for stopping by my blog and reminding me to visit yours much more often!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 8:36:00 AM EDT
Jamie Dawn said...
I've seen many a grande bellied man who tries to fit into the t-shirts he wore when he was not so gordo. Their bellies hang out below shirts which are stretched to the max and crying for mercy.Men who date women who wear extra padded, gel filled bras probably have some surprises too."Where'd they go??"
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:38:00 PM EDT
Tricia said...
I can't stop laughing at doodlebugmom' comment. That crack problem is definitely an epidemic!One more reason to stay away from 'man panties'.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 4:43:00 PM EDT
Melanie said...
hmmnn wearing low slung pants is not just for big bellied men. Many young men, who do not have huge bellies, think it is cool as well. Yesterday I saw one such guy, pants barely on his bum, he even had on a belt, just for looks I suppose because twice I saw him use his hands to pull up his pants.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 7:27:00 PM EDT
Trudging said...
As a friend of mine used to say, "a woman cannot have a hair out of place, but as long as a man keeps his fly zipped he is ok."
Sunday, March 25, 2007 4:02:00 AM EDT
Monday, October 15, 2007
Chalk it Up to Thinning Ozone
I’m beginning believe those scientist who tell us the ozone layer in the sky is being eaten away by pollution. And I think the lack of ozone in our atmosphere is causing a very serious and negative effect on society—people’s behavior is becoming more and more absurd.
Take, for instance, some of the dog owners who live near me. There are strict rules here about keeping dogs on leashes, only letting your animal relieve itself in designated areas (areas that are marked with signage), and cleaning up after your dog after it does its business. Yet, mysteriously doggie “mines” keep piling up in my front yard.
Oh, these dog owners have leashes for their dogs. I know, I’ve seen the owners CARRYING them in one hand (unattached to the dog of course), a doggie poop bag in their other, but NO pooper scooper to be found anywhere on their person!
Another example of how the ozone deficiency is affecting our minds is an experience I had a while back. While attending a barber shop quartet performance, two ladies standing directly behind where I was sitting, talked out loud throughout the first half of the show. Thought I tried, it was very difficult to turn a deaf ear to their babble. Finally, when one of the ladies left, the chatter ceased. I guess “Heckle and Jeckle” figured that part of the pricy cost of admission included the privilege of hearing their voices compete with the beautiful harmony of national and international award-winning groups performing on stage.
Finally, I offer one last piece of evidence for my hypothesis. When living in the Ozark Mountains, there was some maintenance work being performed on part of a state highway. Traffic had to be rerouted, which is par for the course when road work is being done on a main artery of state roads. The only thing was, motorists were toured off of the highway onto a dead end street.
Now, this sounds hilarious unless you happened to have been one of the motorists stuck in the back log of traffic. This is especially true when several semi-trucks were added to the mix of stuck vehicles. Semis are not the easiest things to operate when it comes to backing up long, curvy detour roads.
What other rationale could there be other than the thinning of the earth’s ozone for the cause of these acts of bizarre conduct? It couldn’t be that we have become a self-centered, rude, and selfish people who no longer take pride in our work or care about other human beings. That would be too easy of an explanation, wouldn’t it?
Hopefully, through continual study of the earth’s atmosphere, scientist will better understand the ozone problem and will come up with ways to solve it. If they don’t, who knows just how berserk society may become?
In the meantime, I’ve got to let my dog out to do its thing on my neighbor’s lawn.
3 comments:
LZ Blogger said...
Doug ~ FUNNY STUFF! You're right... it couldn’t be that we have become a self-centered, rude, and selfish people who no longer take pride in our work or care about other human beings. That would REALLY be too easy of an explanation! I think Al Gore is working on a "Dog Crap Foot Print Exemption" so that "someone else" can take "his dog" out to crap on your lawn and it will THEN be OK with you. Of course someone will have to fly his G-5 there to do that... but he's got that one covered too! You mean that "Chicken Little" was RIGHT all along?Take care buddy! ~ jb///
Monday, August 27, 2007 3:42:00 PM EDT
cmk said...
If ONLY I had a dog so that I could give my neighbors the kinds of presents their dogs leave for me! And, it is bad enough during the summer, but in the spring, after all of the snow has melted, well......
Monday, August 27, 2007 9:23:00 PM EDT
Trudging said...
(-:
Monday, August 27, 2007 11:29:00 PM EDT
Take, for instance, some of the dog owners who live near me. There are strict rules here about keeping dogs on leashes, only letting your animal relieve itself in designated areas (areas that are marked with signage), and cleaning up after your dog after it does its business. Yet, mysteriously doggie “mines” keep piling up in my front yard.
Oh, these dog owners have leashes for their dogs. I know, I’ve seen the owners CARRYING them in one hand (unattached to the dog of course), a doggie poop bag in their other, but NO pooper scooper to be found anywhere on their person!
Another example of how the ozone deficiency is affecting our minds is an experience I had a while back. While attending a barber shop quartet performance, two ladies standing directly behind where I was sitting, talked out loud throughout the first half of the show. Thought I tried, it was very difficult to turn a deaf ear to their babble. Finally, when one of the ladies left, the chatter ceased. I guess “Heckle and Jeckle” figured that part of the pricy cost of admission included the privilege of hearing their voices compete with the beautiful harmony of national and international award-winning groups performing on stage.
Finally, I offer one last piece of evidence for my hypothesis. When living in the Ozark Mountains, there was some maintenance work being performed on part of a state highway. Traffic had to be rerouted, which is par for the course when road work is being done on a main artery of state roads. The only thing was, motorists were toured off of the highway onto a dead end street.
Now, this sounds hilarious unless you happened to have been one of the motorists stuck in the back log of traffic. This is especially true when several semi-trucks were added to the mix of stuck vehicles. Semis are not the easiest things to operate when it comes to backing up long, curvy detour roads.
What other rationale could there be other than the thinning of the earth’s ozone for the cause of these acts of bizarre conduct? It couldn’t be that we have become a self-centered, rude, and selfish people who no longer take pride in our work or care about other human beings. That would be too easy of an explanation, wouldn’t it?
Hopefully, through continual study of the earth’s atmosphere, scientist will better understand the ozone problem and will come up with ways to solve it. If they don’t, who knows just how berserk society may become?
In the meantime, I’ve got to let my dog out to do its thing on my neighbor’s lawn.
3 comments:
LZ Blogger said...
Doug ~ FUNNY STUFF! You're right... it couldn’t be that we have become a self-centered, rude, and selfish people who no longer take pride in our work or care about other human beings. That would REALLY be too easy of an explanation! I think Al Gore is working on a "Dog Crap Foot Print Exemption" so that "someone else" can take "his dog" out to crap on your lawn and it will THEN be OK with you. Of course someone will have to fly his G-5 there to do that... but he's got that one covered too! You mean that "Chicken Little" was RIGHT all along?Take care buddy! ~ jb///
Monday, August 27, 2007 3:42:00 PM EDT
cmk said...
If ONLY I had a dog so that I could give my neighbors the kinds of presents their dogs leave for me! And, it is bad enough during the summer, but in the spring, after all of the snow has melted, well......
Monday, August 27, 2007 9:23:00 PM EDT
Trudging said...
(-:
Monday, August 27, 2007 11:29:00 PM EDT
Are There Any Real Men Left Out There?
Are there any real men left out there? In society's attempt to make the male population of our species more kind, sensitive and gentle, the male has also lost his manliness. We have become mush spines, afraid to show any sign of machismo for fear of being called Neanderthals. We're afraid to speak our minds because we might be found to be politically incorrect or, worse, a male chauvinist.
As for me, I'm a member of a dying breed, a breed on the verge of extinction. I like football not ballet. I want to see a rodeo not an opera. I'll take a boxing match over golf any day.
When it comes to my music, I want to hear country music not a symphony. Now I'm not speaking of the "new" country music that's being played today. I like my country raw, like it used to be. I want to hear songs about manly troubles: broken marriages, whisky, fighting, rodeos, pickups, trains, prison and Mama.
When eating, I want manly food. I like big, thick steaks not sushi. And concerning that steak, leave the fat around the edges and cook it well-done. I want the fat (oh, oh, there's the "F" word again) around the edges to crunch when I eat it. Sure, this will plug my heart with cholesterol, but, hey, cholesterol is a manly disease; that's how I want to die, like a man.
Feed me barbecued ribs with mashed potatoes and gravy--none of that stir-fry stuff, thank you very much. Give me grits, hotcakes with syrup on them, fried eggs with runny yokes to dip my buttered toast in and a pile of hash browns fried in butter the way Grandma used to make them. Don't give me that bran stuff with skim milk on it, along with whole-wheat bread lightly touched with margarine. No sir, I want a man's meal.
I'm tired of movies in which the male lead is a thin, little wisp of a guy who spends most of the picture pondering the meaning life; who grows gray hairs worrying about whether or not he is sensitive enough to the needs of others; and spends his quiet moments trying to get in touch with his feminine side. Give me those good, old, John Wayne movies. Now there was a man's man. Whether Wayne was in a cowboy picture, a detective picture or a war flick, the characters he played were as gruff and manly as they come. Nope, there aren't too many like John Wayne around anymore.
When I was a kid, I had real men as my heroes. They were cowboys, mountain men, policemen, army men, football players and the like. They were tough, brave, strong and fearless. The youngsters these days of have charactors like Bart Simpson, Napolean Dynamite, and the gang of South Park to look upon as heroes.
Call me a dinosaur, insensitive, a throw-back to an earlier time--whatever, but I believe that the word macho should be the rallying cry for the few of us real men left in the world to unite in an effort to bring our breed back from the edge of extinction.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to hurry and get the house cleaned and dinner cooked before everybody at my household gets home from work.
10 comments:
kristi noser said...
Hear! Hear! I have noticed the subtle, (and sometimes not so) changing of attitude in this country. I call it "the girling of America". I too want my man to be a man, not a woman. Hey Doug, make sure to put the toilet seat down when you're done cleaning.
Monday, October 8, 2007 5:32:00 AM EDT
Valerie said...
ahhhhhh, knuckle-dragger.ah for the days when men were men and the women loved them. now get me some bon-bons.
Monday, October 8, 2007 10:27:00 AM EDT
cmk said...
The days when men were men and women were women. BRING THEM BACK! But first, put the dishes in the dishwasher, do the vacuuming, and bring me my beer--the hockey game is about to start! :)
Monday, October 8, 2007 3:04:00 PM EDT
BAGS said...
Hey, just posted. I think you'll get a kick out of it. It's a little different than my previous posts!
Monday, October 8, 2007 9:13:00 PM EDT
skrpndiva said...
OMG, my dh would Sooooooo agree with you. He hates anything remotely, as he terms it, 'sissy'. I agree, society as a whole has gotten out of hand!Nice entry this week. I liked it. Jacquie
Monday, October 8, 2007 9:35:00 PM EDT
Renae said...
Hey Doug!!I agree with it all !!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 4:23:00 PM EDT
Doug Bagley said...
Kristi, Growing up in a family of all boys and having only sons, I think I can safely as the questions we guys secretly want to know the answer to: Why don't women put the seat up when they're done with the commode? Who made the rule that we have to put it down when we're done? Just curious, LOL!
Thursday, October 11, 2007 10:00:00 PM EDT
kristi noser said...
It keeps the dog out of the bowl. I'm surprised you didn't know that.
Friday, October 12, 2007 4:46:00 PM EDT
Anonymous said...
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:01:00 AM EDT
Rachel said...
You might have made a good pirate Doug!! You made me hungry talking about all that high cholesterol food!! It's hard to find men like John Wayne around anymore, that's for sure!
Monday, October 15, 2007 10:53:00 AM EDT
As for me, I'm a member of a dying breed, a breed on the verge of extinction. I like football not ballet. I want to see a rodeo not an opera. I'll take a boxing match over golf any day.
When it comes to my music, I want to hear country music not a symphony. Now I'm not speaking of the "new" country music that's being played today. I like my country raw, like it used to be. I want to hear songs about manly troubles: broken marriages, whisky, fighting, rodeos, pickups, trains, prison and Mama.
When eating, I want manly food. I like big, thick steaks not sushi. And concerning that steak, leave the fat around the edges and cook it well-done. I want the fat (oh, oh, there's the "F" word again) around the edges to crunch when I eat it. Sure, this will plug my heart with cholesterol, but, hey, cholesterol is a manly disease; that's how I want to die, like a man.
Feed me barbecued ribs with mashed potatoes and gravy--none of that stir-fry stuff, thank you very much. Give me grits, hotcakes with syrup on them, fried eggs with runny yokes to dip my buttered toast in and a pile of hash browns fried in butter the way Grandma used to make them. Don't give me that bran stuff with skim milk on it, along with whole-wheat bread lightly touched with margarine. No sir, I want a man's meal.
I'm tired of movies in which the male lead is a thin, little wisp of a guy who spends most of the picture pondering the meaning life; who grows gray hairs worrying about whether or not he is sensitive enough to the needs of others; and spends his quiet moments trying to get in touch with his feminine side. Give me those good, old, John Wayne movies. Now there was a man's man. Whether Wayne was in a cowboy picture, a detective picture or a war flick, the characters he played were as gruff and manly as they come. Nope, there aren't too many like John Wayne around anymore.
When I was a kid, I had real men as my heroes. They were cowboys, mountain men, policemen, army men, football players and the like. They were tough, brave, strong and fearless. The youngsters these days of have charactors like Bart Simpson, Napolean Dynamite, and the gang of South Park to look upon as heroes.
Call me a dinosaur, insensitive, a throw-back to an earlier time--whatever, but I believe that the word macho should be the rallying cry for the few of us real men left in the world to unite in an effort to bring our breed back from the edge of extinction.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to hurry and get the house cleaned and dinner cooked before everybody at my household gets home from work.
10 comments:
kristi noser said...
Hear! Hear! I have noticed the subtle, (and sometimes not so) changing of attitude in this country. I call it "the girling of America". I too want my man to be a man, not a woman. Hey Doug, make sure to put the toilet seat down when you're done cleaning.
Monday, October 8, 2007 5:32:00 AM EDT
Valerie said...
ahhhhhh, knuckle-dragger.ah for the days when men were men and the women loved them. now get me some bon-bons.
Monday, October 8, 2007 10:27:00 AM EDT
cmk said...
The days when men were men and women were women. BRING THEM BACK! But first, put the dishes in the dishwasher, do the vacuuming, and bring me my beer--the hockey game is about to start! :)
Monday, October 8, 2007 3:04:00 PM EDT
BAGS said...
Hey, just posted. I think you'll get a kick out of it. It's a little different than my previous posts!
Monday, October 8, 2007 9:13:00 PM EDT
skrpndiva said...
OMG, my dh would Sooooooo agree with you. He hates anything remotely, as he terms it, 'sissy'. I agree, society as a whole has gotten out of hand!Nice entry this week. I liked it. Jacquie
Monday, October 8, 2007 9:35:00 PM EDT
Renae said...
Hey Doug!!I agree with it all !!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007 4:23:00 PM EDT
Doug Bagley said...
Kristi, Growing up in a family of all boys and having only sons, I think I can safely as the questions we guys secretly want to know the answer to: Why don't women put the seat up when they're done with the commode? Who made the rule that we have to put it down when we're done? Just curious, LOL!
Thursday, October 11, 2007 10:00:00 PM EDT
kristi noser said...
It keeps the dog out of the bowl. I'm surprised you didn't know that.
Friday, October 12, 2007 4:46:00 PM EDT
Anonymous said...
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sunday, October 14, 2007 3:01:00 AM EDT
Rachel said...
You might have made a good pirate Doug!! You made me hungry talking about all that high cholesterol food!! It's hard to find men like John Wayne around anymore, that's for sure!
Monday, October 15, 2007 10:53:00 AM EDT
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